The Vision Quest

While the term “vision quest” comes from Native American teachings, it is really the passage of the personal journey. No matter what your spiritual orientation is, for true personal development, it is essential to do the inner work. You must explore yourself deeply and discover what is important to you, sense where you need to go, and set your spiritual goals. At the end of the day and at the end of your life, it will not matter how many houses or cars you have; what really matters is what kind of person you were and how you treated others. Was the work of your life soul work? Did you express yourself creatively? Did you take care of your family? Did you help others?

Look inside; face these questions. Can you answer them satisfactorily? By doing so you will be able to determine and change the future course of events. A vision quest is an essential step in a life well lived, a life full of soul work, a life hard but ultimately joyful.

This ritual, performed in keeping with the Native American tradition, is a rite of passage requiring courage and fortitude. At the end, you will most certainly know who you are! Going into the wilderness by yourself with no food, water, or other creature comforts to do nothing but pray certainly forces you to face your inner self. The purpose of the vision quest is to receive a vision. Not everyone succeeds. Some people are too frightened, hungry, and cold to continue. Others experience an altered reality or deep visions due to sensory deprivation and the extreme physicality of the vision quest. 

Metamorphosis Ritual

Choose a place in your home or wherever you feel secure to do this deeply personal ritual. Allow it to be dark. You are in the dark cocoon and about to burst out into the light. Cast your circle of change by moving clockwise around the room three times. Notice as you walk that you can feel the darkness increasing. You are creating a magical space in which you will work for your desired change.

Stand in the middle of the circle and speak aloud what you want to get rid of in your life. Speak the truth from the safe center of your sanctuary. Close your eyes and turn to the east. Now, using creative visualization, call up the element of air. Picture a piece of the day sky filled with clouds and the night filled with stars. This is the element of air. Wait until you feel its presence fully entered in the circle and speak aloud:

I face the east; I am air. I call upon the powers of the sky and the stars to aid me now.

Now turn to the south and visualize a flaming red ball of sun, which is fire, heat, and life. You will know the element of fire is present by the heat you feel in your circle. Speak aloud: 

I face south; I am fire. I call upon the powers of flame and heat, the passion of fire to help me through. Burn away the old, my former self.

Now turn to the west and visualize the waters of the world— oceans, rivers, creeks, and lakes— all merging into a single drop of the holiest water. Speak aloud: 

I face the west. I am made of water. I call upon the powers of water, more powerful than any stone. I ask the waters of life to cleanse me and purify me, ready me for total change.

Now face the north and visualize the green of the earth, the soil and seeds of change. Speak aloud:

I face the north. I am grounded in this earth. I call upon the powers of earth, our planet, to give me the strength to change.

Stand still in the center of your circle and feel the energies of the elements, the powers of the four directions, and the strength of nature’s helpers. Relax into this energy and allow visions, ideas, and inspiration to arise. Welcome new feelings and sensations. You should be open to experiencing new patterns of thought. Thinking in a new way is one way to shed your old skin. Now begin to move and stretch in your circle of magic. Reach up as high as you can, and bend and bow as you emerge from the cocoon of your old self. Breathe deeply, inhaling and exhaling slowly and fully. After ten breaths, you should begin to feel a buzzing sensation at the top of your head. This is the signal that you have arrived at a new level of consciousness. You have shed your old limits; your transmutation is complete.

Walking counterclockwise, retrace the steps of your circle. As you walk, speak your gratitude to the elements and the directions, taking care to give thanks for all the help you have received during this circle of change. Your circle is now open.

As you go through the next few days, reflect on your new feelings and impressions. New people will come into your life. New opportunities will arise. You have given yourself the gift of new life. Enjoy this new post-metamorphic phase of change and treasure it. 

New Year, New You: Metamorphosis and Transmutation

Here is a personal ritual I recommend for the New Year, whether it is Samhain (October 31, All Hallow’s Eve) or Saturnalia (December 17–24). It can also be performed any time you feel the need for renewal or personal reinvention.

Like a caterpillar, we can burst out of our old form and shed old skin. Old habits that no longer serve should be released. If drinking alcohol, for example, has become a problem for you, let go, find a Twelve-Step program, and let miracles happen in your life as you release the old and welcome the new. We must let go of the past in order to look to the future.

A well-timed ritual can be the process by which you let go of that past. It formalizes the act and marks the time of entry into a new present and new future.

Start with a ritual bath, or this Inspirational Immersion, to cleanse yourself.

Immersion

At the day’s last light, pour a bath. As your run the water, pour drops of bergamot, rosemary, vetiver, and eucalyptus oils into the steaming waters. Bathe in the gathering dark. As darkness begins to fill the room, meditate and pray for positive change in your life. Know that this is the day your life will surely change forever. 

Centering: Getting Grounded in Yourself

The best way to prepare for personal ritual is to center yourself. I call this “doing a readjustment,” and I believe this is especially important in our overscheduled and busy world. Doing a readjustment helps pull you back into yourself and gets your priorities back on track. Only when you are truly centered can you do the true inner work of self-development that is at the core of ritual.

Centering takes many forms. Experiment on your own to find out what works best for you. My friend Kat Sanborn, for example, does a quick meditation that she calls “the chakra check-in.” The chakra system comprises energy points in the astral body associated with various endocrine glands in the physical body. My friend closes her eyes and sits lotus-fashion (if possible, but if you are on a bus or in a meeting you can do this centering exercise just sitting down, feel on the floor) and visualizes the light and color of each chakra. She visualizes each chakra and mentally runs energy up and down her spine, from bottom to top, pausing at each chakra point. After she does this a few times, a soothing calm surrounds her. I have seen her perform her “chakra check-in” at trade shows and in hotel lobbies, surrounded by the hubbub of many people. She is an ocean of calm at the center of a storm. By working with your chakras, you can become much more in touch with your body and soul.

The root chakra is at the base of your spine and is associated with passion, survival and security and the color red. Above it is the sacral chakra in the abdominal region, which corresponds to such physical urges as hunger and sex and the color is orange. The solar plexus chakra is yellow and is associated with personal power. The throat chakra is blue and is considered the center of communication. The third eye chakra is located in the center of your forehead and is associated with intuition and the color indigo. The crown chakra at the very top of your head is your connection to the universe and is violet in color.

Prior to performing a ritual, try this centering exercise. Take a comfortable sitting position and find your pulse. Keep your fingers on your pulse until you feel the steady rhythm of your own heart.

Now begin slowly breathing in rhythm with your heartbeat. Inhale for four beats, hold for four beats, and then exhale for five beats. Repeat this pattern for six cycles. People have reported that although it seems hard to match up with the heartbeat at first, with a little bit of practice, your breath and heartbeat will synchronize. Your entire body will relax and all physical functions will seem slower and more natural than ever before.

Candle Centering

Another excellent way to center is to light a candle and meditate on it. By focusing on the flame, you bring your being and awareness into focus. You can take this a step further with this spell for new insight into your life.

1. Place one candle on your altar or “centering station.” Light your favorite meditation incense. For me, nag champa immediately sanctifies any space and creates a sacred aura.

2. Scratch your name into the candle with the tip of your knife. Next, scratch your hope onto the candle.

3. Light your candle and recite: 

   This candle burns for me.
   Here burns my hope for [say what you are hoping for].
   Here burns the flame of insight,
   May I see clearly in this new light.
   
   
4. Sit with your eyes closed for a few minutes and picture yourself enacting your hopes and desires. You are setting your intention. Picture yourself in the company of people who inspire and teach you, those who bring insight and new light into your life. Let the candle burn down completely. 

 

Ritual Knotting

You can add an additional aspect of manifestation to empower your statement of intention with a knotting spell. All you need is your paper scroll and a length of red thread or cord. The color red signifies life and active energy.

As you read your statement of intention, picture the end result in your mind and pour all your powers of concentration onto the paper. After you feel you have fully focused your energy into the scroll, roll it up. Now, proceed to tie knots in the order of the following traditional chant:

By knot of one, this ritual is begun.
By knot of two, my wish comes true.
By knot of three, so mote it be.
By knot of four, the magic is even more.
By knot of five, the gods are alive.
By knot of six, my intention is fixed.
By knot of seven, under the influence of heaven.
By knot of eight, I change my fate.
By knot of nine, all powers are divine.

When you have completed the knots, tie the cord around your scroll. 

Intention Candle Spell

Essential elements for this ritual are one candle of your favorite color, a candle holder, copal or cinnamon essential oil to represent spirituality, paper and pen, a ritual knife, and any visual aids you may require, such as photos, tarot cards, or a drawing of a deity you have made or found specifically for this ritual. Carefully select a representation of a deity with whom you feel a connection or who you believe will be benevolent toward your intention.

The “body” of the ritual refers to the act itself. It will further your intention if you carve related symbols and power words into your candle with the tip of your knife. Anoint the candle with the essential oil you have chosen. Dressing the candle from top to bottom adds the influence of attraction to your spell. Conversely, dressing the oil in the opposite direction, bottom to top, adds banishing power to your spell.

Write your intention on the paper and then speak aloud:

Thus I consecrate this candle in the name of [insert name of the deity here],
So this flame will burn brightly and light my way.

Place the anointed candle in the candleholder, light it, and say:

Blessed candle, light of the Goddess,
I burn this light of [deity’s name].
Hear my prayer, O [name the deity], hear my need.
Do so with all your grace,
And magical speed.

Now read your intention as you wrote it on the paper. Roll the paper into a scroll and, using a few drops of the warm wax from your intention candle, seal your sacred statement. Place the paper on your altar or in a special place where it can be safe until your intention is realized.

Allow the candle to burn down completely in order to truly raise and release energy. It can be useful to use small candles or tea lights for spells that require candles to burn out completely so you’re not left sitting there for several hours. Once you have seen your spell come to culmination, burn the written intention in a metal dish or in your fireplace in gratitude to the god or goddess who helped you. While other faiths may pray to God for help and favors, this differs in that you are helping yourself: you are taking action and setting your intention, not simply turning over all responsibility to a higher power.

Setting Your Intention

A well-defined and focused intention is the key to success in a life-enhancing ritual. Good results depend upon clarity. If your intention is not crystal clear, you are likely to fail. You must approach your ritual with a definite concentration. If a nagging worry is hovering in the back of your mind, you are not properly focused. You may even want to perfect an image of your intention and desire with creative visualization.

Part of your preparation should also include using ritual correspondences—the phase of the moon, the day of the week, the color of the candles you use, and much more. These things add to the depth and meaning of your ritual. Do you need to clear the energy and refresh your altar with some housecleaning and smudge? Do so and continue to focus on your intention as you create the foundation for a successful ceremony.

While you are clearing energy in your space, you must also clear out the clutter in your mind. If you are in a state of inner chaos, the outcome will simply not measure up to your expectations. Perhaps it will help you relax if you play CDs of instrumental music or sacred chants. Conscious breathing or stretching will also help you make yourself ready for ritual.

Constructing your inner temple is a marvelous process that can aid in your journey deep inside yourself. Sit or lie down in a position that is comfortable enough to relax you, but not so comfortable as to allow you to drift off to sleep. As you breathe slowly and rhythmically, imagine a peaceful, beautiful place specific to your desires. It could be a white marble temple in a lovely sculpture garden under a still blue sky. It could be a mirror pool by a sacred grove. It must be pleasing to you, a place you can visit frequently in visualization. It can be any size or shape but should have certain aspects:

• The Center: Your inner temple should have a single center from which you can access all areas of the temple. This center is a representation of your personal power center.
• Reflective Surface: Here is where you can take a look at yourself spiritually. The reflective surface can be a scrying mirror, a crystal ball, or even a pool of water. You can also use it to look at the past, present, and future.
• Water: Your inner temple can have any number of water sources, such as a waterfall, a well, a stream, or an ocean. Water represents our deepest levels of consciousness. Commune with your deepest self here. 
• Earth: Here is where you ground yourself, and create manifestation. Take stock of your deepest desires and goals here in a garden, forest, meadow, or wherever your imagination guides you. 

Ideally, your inner temple has four doorways or gates, one each for the four directions and elements. Once you have created your ideal inner temple, you can now use it to perform ritual, as you have created permanent sacred space inside and outside this temple through visualization. 

Constructing Your Inner Temple

Call forth your powers within to make magic with ritual.

Your mind and will are potent magical tools, and ritual is the practice of exercising your will. In order for your solitary rituals to be successful and a positive force in your life, you need to think a few things through:

• Identify your intention 
• Plan your ritual
• Prepare for your ritual

Once you have gathered your essential ingredients and tools together, you should prepare everything and once it is in place, you should:

• Relax completely
• Enact the ritual
• Clean and clear the space with everything in its place

A Coven of One: Rituals for the Solitary Practitioner

 

Ritual can take many forms, from a huge number of people participating in a community celebration to one person seeking deeper understanding of himself or herself. Our lives are basically a search for meaning. When you hold a memory dear, it is because the original event meant something to you. It was relevant, shedding light upon your soul and touching your heart in a special way. Creating and performing rituals on your own will help you define and strengthen your own identity and customize your desired outcome according to your individual will and intention. Performing rituals by yourself means you are your own priest or priestess, a solo seeker progressing along the spiritual path at your own pace. Ideally, you will also participate in rites involving groups of people. In this way, you can get all the benefits of staying in touch with your community by continuing to learn from others and receive the stimulation of being with like-minded people. If you are a loner, it is even more important for you to stay tied to a special community.

However, for many folks, doing ritual alone is incredibly powerful and enhances their personal evolution. While group ritual is about service, connection, and change, individual rites are powerful inner workings that kindle soul development and spiritual expansion. Group rituals are frequently tied to events, such as holidays, or a community crisis, such as an illness. Solitary ritual comes from your deepest inner rhythms. It comes from your own needs, your own questing, and your own psyche. With solitary rituals, you can also addresses more private matters that you would rather not share with others or broadcast to the community.

Personal rituals can be a major force in your personal development. I have known many people who are going through a rough time for whom ritual was a touchstone and an aid. Ritual will help you not just get through something but also learn from it and come out the other side transformed. As the author of Women’s Rituals, Barbara Walker, says, “Meaning develops out of doing."

The human spirit loves ritual and needs it. Observe your own children or those of your neighborhood and notice how they create their own spontaneous rituals. Ritual seems to be an important part of human development. The inclusion of ritual and celebration in our lives not only enriches us, but can also make us healthier and happier people.

Here is your opportunity to explore yourself through ritual. Ultimately, there will come a time when you need to design your own ritual as it springs up from the depths of your soul. Use the tools described for rituals of examination of your deepest inner self. 

The Sukhavti: Buddhist Ritual for Death

A few years ago, I attended a memorial service for my dear friend Duncan’s mother, Maggie. Maggie was an amazing woman. Born into a middle-class Jewish family, she thrived in the hippie years, traveling the world and experimenting with many different religions. Eventually the road took her to Buddhist shrines and ashrams, places of study and meditation. Maggie attended the esteemed Naropa Institute in Boulder, Colorado, and delved deeply into her practice, meditating for hours on end. While in an ashram in Nova Scotia, keeping a vow of silence, she became very ill and died. The occasion of her death was observed by the Buddhist ritual, Sukhavti.

Courtesy of the late Maggie’s son, Duncan McCloud, here is a portion of the prayer from the funeral ritual. It is taken from sacred Tibetan texts and was translated by Maggie herself.

Prayer for Reincarnation

Whose outstanding deeds give endless glory to beings
Whose mere remembrance banishes Death
With love, we speak this prayer for reincarnation and rebirth
May I be free of sadness and misery
May I still feel the love of those I have left behind
May I pass by the demons
May I remember well my faith and consolation
May I see for myself Amitabha, the Greatest Teacher of us all,
Supreme Being Highest and Lord of All
May I see the greatness and the glory.
At the moment of my death, may I receive enlightenment
May I be reborn.

The Sukhavti is a series of little vignettes, stories, and collected memories of the dead. The Buddhists believe in reincarnation, that death is a step in the soul’s continuing journey. The purpose of the Sukhavti is to help talk the newly dead spirit through the bardos, which are a sort of continuum through which the spirit must pass. Safe passage is not guaranteed, for the deceased must get past Tibetan demons of terrible aspect.

At Maggie’s service, to help her through the bardos, people said sweet things, sad things, funny things, and extremely honest things about her. In fact, it is of the utmost importance to be very frank and tell the truth, as the honesty will help the spirit through the bardos.

Steps for a Successful Sukhavti

1. Gather Tibetan temple incense and flowers, and invite people to a room set up for meditation with floor mats and pillows. If possible, invite the newly dead person’s spiritual teacher or someone well acquainted with both Tibetan Buddhism and the subject of the service.

2. Begin with a statement of the purpose of the Sukhavti for those who have never attended one, followed by a ten- minute silent meditation.

3. Light incense and place it together with flowers in front of a photo or image of the newly dead person.

4. Invite anyone who has anything to say about the person to speak, explaining the helpfulness of truth and honesty in aiding the spirit through the bardos. The serene nature of this Buddhist ceremony allows for silence and reflection; speaking should not be forced.

Again, although this method of honoring the dead was unusual to my Western mind, Maggie’s ritual was one of the most meaningful ceremonies I have ever experienced.

In this look at life’s passages, we have made the journey from birth to death and many phases in between. The more rituals you create and perform to acknowledge these phases of human life, the richer your life will be.

Personal Rituals for Renewal

Since the time of the ancients in the Mediterranean and in Mesopotamia, salts from the sea combined with soothing oils have been used to purify the body by way of gentle ritual rubs. From Bathsheba to Cleopatra, these natural salts have been used to smooth the skin and enhance circulation, which is vital to overall body health as the skin is the single largest organ. Salts from the Dead Sea have long been a popular export and are readily available at most health food stores. You can make your own salts, however, and not only control the quality and customize the scent, but save money, too. The definitive benefits that is far and above cost saving is that you can imbue the concoction with your intention, which is absolutely imperative when you are performing rites of self-healing. Cook up your own “kitchen cupboard cure."

Shekinah’s Salts

Shekinah translates as “She who dwells within” and is the Hebrew name for the female aspect of God. Legend has it that she co-created the world side by side with Yahweh, the god of Israel. The simple recipe for salts calls up the scents and primal memories of what the Edenic paradise must have been like. A real plus to this recipe is that you can change the essential oils to suit your needs and mood.

The ingredients for the recipe are as follows:

3 cups Epsom salts

1⁄2 cup sweet almond oil

1 tablespoon glycerin

4 drops ylang-ylang essential oil

1 drop jasmine essential oil

1 drop clary sage essential oil

Mix well and store in a colored and well-capped glass bottle. You can use these special Shekinah salts in your ritual rub. Prepare for what I call the body glow session by lighting citrus and rose-scented candles. Step out of your clothes and hold the salts in the palms of your hands and pray aloud:

Shekinah, your wisdom helps me reflect your image.
My body is a temple to you.
Here I worship today with heart and hands,
Body and soul.
I call on you for healing.
Shekinah, bring me breath and life.
Ancient One, I thank you
With heart and hands,
Body and soul.

Use these salts with a damp, clean washcloth or a new sponge and gently scrub your body during a waning moon at midnight. Rinse with warm water. (Women with sensitive skin should avoid this salt rub. Instead, blend the essential oils into a quarter cup of almond oil and massage the blend into your skin with the damp washcloth or sponge; then rinse. Use the salt scrub only on your body, never on your face.)

A Gathering of Angels: A Ritual of Preparation for Surgery

Call your friends together before the surgery. It can be at your home or any place that feels safe and secure. I highly recommend healing energy at the home of the person who is to undergo the surgery, as it will create an aura of restoration. Ask each person to bring something to comfort, reassure, and cure the celebrant: soup, fixings, a soothing eye pillow, sleep balm, a hand-knitted scarf for warmth, body lotion, herbal teas, books, or lavender-infused slippers are all wonderful gifts.

Form a circle of care around the celebrant and light candles. Unscented soy candles are probably best for health reasons. As you go around the circle, ask each person to give his or her gift of caring to the celebrant and say what it represents. 

I give you this herbal tea mix so you can sip tea and draw from it healing and heat.
I give you all my love and healing energy and I know you will come back from the hospital healthier than ever before.

The ritual continues until everyone has had a turn to speak and healing gifts and loving energy surround the celebrant. I suggest giving the celebrant hankies beforehand, as I know

I could not stop my tears of joy. It is completely up to the celebrant to say or do whatever he or she feels during the ritual. In many cases, they may say nothing due to the intensity of this event.

Stones with Purpose: What to Wear and What it Does

Agate—Ensures you speak the truth when worn on an amulet; attracts favors from powerful people

Black Agate—Ensures success in business and in athletic competition if worn on a short chain or in a ring

Amazonite—Brings luck when worn while gambling

Amber—Brings love into your life; increases sexual pleasure

Amethyst—If worn by a man, will bring a good woman into his life

Bloodstone—Brings court victory in legal matters 

Carnelian—Protects from lightening

Cat’s-Eye—Helps retain beauty and life, depressing when worn as a ring

Coral earrings—Attracts men to your life

Dark Peridot Ring—Raises your spirits; brings you money 

Diamond with a Six-Sided Cut—Protects; ensures victory in conflict if worn in platinum

Diamond Set in Onyx—Incites loyalty in partner; overcomes sexual temptation

Frog-Shaped Jewelry—Protection while traveling, especially travel across water; potent if includes aquamarine gem

Geode Worn as Jewelry—Attracts love; helps women avoid miscarriage

Jade—Attracts love to your life if shaped like a butterfly 

Lapis Lazuli—Offers health, growth, protection if in the form of beads on gold wire

Moss Agate—Healthy harvest if worn while gardening 

Opal Earrings—Awakens psychic powers 

Croning Rituals

Our modern society has taken an unfortunate attitude toward aging, characterized by denial and shame. Rather than embracing the realization of their own highest wisdom, aging women are socialized into unhealthy regimens such as Botox and plastic surgery in vain attempts to turn back the clock.

Women should feel good about aging. They should celebrate long, full lives. Women should be respected and honored for the wisdom they bring to the community. One of the roles ritual plays in the world is to change the dynamic between a person and her community. Therefore, croning rituals are the signal to the group that a woman has ascended into a new role of service and leadership to the family, the tribe, the village, and the sisterhood.

Theories vary as to when a woman becomes a crone. Z. Budapest in her Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries says it happens to every woman at age fifty-six. Others say it is at age fifty-four, and Diana Paxson says it’s a range from sixty to seventy-one for the evolution from Queen to Crone. Often cronehood is confirmed at fourteen months past a woman’s last period, and when she has come to her second Saturnreturn. A woman should decide for herself when she feels

she has reached the age of “cronehood,” however; if she is not prepared to take on the title, then by all means she should wait until she is ready. Discussing it with other women will help authenticate what you know and feel inside. Support from the sisterhood is essential, and in many circles of friends and family, women who are of similar ages should sustain each other in life’s passages and honor each other as they wish to be honored.

The Crown of Cronehood: A Ritual of Honoring

The essential elements for this ritual are enough candles to represent every year of the crone’s life, flowers, silver wire, crystals, water, flowering branches, silver moon-shaped paper cutouts, and potluck food. The potluck food served at the party after the ritual will be even more special and good for all if they are “women’s food,” such as estrogen-filled yams, calcium-rich broccoli, and yogurt. Soy is recommended as well.

The first part of the ritual takes place before the honored guest, the new crone, arrives. Working together, women should take the silver wire and form a round crown. Glue semiprecious crystals to this crown, attach charms and amulets, and affix the silver crescent moons. Make it beautiful and meaningful. The silver moon is a sign of the Goddess, and the new crone is a representative of the Goddess’s third aspect. The crystals, which are the stones and bones of Mother Earth, add power and the beauty of Gaia. Charms and amulets are for health, protection, good luck, and good life. As you make it and place the jewels and charms on the crown, state your intentions and hopes for the new crone.

When the crown is complete, place it on a beautiful purple pillow or the altar.

Upon the arrival of the soon-to-be-crowned crone, the eldest woman present should take a flowering branch and dip it in water and sprinkle it on her head, just a few drops, and speak a blessing, such as:

I bless you in the name of the Goddess.
I bless you in the name of Mother Earth.
I bless you in the name of every woman.
Sister, do you accept the role of teacher and leader as crone?

The crone responds. If she accepts the title, then the eldest woman says:

She is crowned.

Now the elder places the Crown of Cronehood upon the new crone’s head. Go around the circle and have each woman speak of the gift she added to the crown.

I give you amethyst to represent the healing power of the planet.
I give you silver, sacred to the moon.
I give you roses, the flower of desire.
I give you a sacred heart charm to represent the mysteries of love.
I give you a blue star because you are a star.
I give you an abalone shell because you are powerful like the ocean.
I give you moonstone because you are wise and reflective.
I give you an angel pendant because you are so beautiful in body and in soul.

Now everyone should speak together:

We gather together to celebrate that [new crone’s name] is entering the Wise Age.

Now the eldest woman lights one candle, and each woman present takes turn lighting a candle until all fifty-six (or the appropriate number equaling this crone’s age) are lit.

Singing and chanting now take place with the circle holding hands:

[Crone’s name], Lady Mine,
We now honor you; we will never forsake you.
[Crone’s name], we listen to your wisdom with the love of our hearts.
We accept your teachings with ears and hands.
Blessed be the new crone! Long life and good health! Happiness and joy!

After everyone has spoken her tribute to the crone, she can speak her thanks. At this point, the crone assumes her leadership role. Leadership is best handled with great gravity and lightness at the same time. “Benevolence” and “wisdom” are the watchwords. The crone should speak anything she is holding in her heart. Doubtless, she will want to speak her gratitude toward the support of the sisterhood, but she should also speak forth any concerns she has. The concerns can be specific to her world, which is now her domain—her family, her group of friends, her spiritual circle, her community, or even the planet. The crone can choose to ask a pair of disputing friends to make up and work it out. She can request that a healing garden be made for her people. Whatever comes to her mind that will be helpful and essential to the group and the greater good is what she should speak. I know a crone who has asked people to help her build a community center, and it is happening. I know another crone who quit her high-powered corporate job to study the medicine wheel and become a shaman. Still another elder friend has taken up the brush and is painting beautiful art after years of working for the defense department. This is my mother, Helen, who is a wonderful example of the power of cronehood.

When the crone has spoken from the wisdom of her heart, everyone should again hold hands. The eldest woman who inducted the new crone again holds out the flowering branch and hands it to the new crone. The crone speaks her blessing to everyone present, touching everyone’s heads with a few drops of blessing water and reciting words from her heart to each person. When she is done, she says:

This circle is now open. Blessed be to all.

Now the food is served, and it should be a birthday party to remember for the rest of the crone’s life. 

Mask-Making: Finding the Sacred Self

The elements needed for this ritual include:

• Posterboard, newspaper, water, and white flour to make a plaster-like paste, paint, glitter, feathers, sequins, colored markers, sticks
• Music—harem music, women’s opera choruses
• Butcher paper (also tape butcher paper to the wall)
• Scarves

Whatever room you’re in, create sacred space there. Light incense, lamps, and candles, and put on belly dancing or other women’s music.

Lay out the mask-making supplies on tables covered with butcher paper. Build a little cardboard wall between mask- making stations to create privacy so each participant feels completely comfortable in disclosing the heretofore hidden side of her sacred self. Before stating to make her mask, each woman should take a turn and step up to the paper on the wall, state aloud the positive qualities she sees in herself. She should proclaim her affirming, esteem-boosting aspects. This should be as free-form and upbeat as possible.

After the personal statements, other women should chime in with encouraging words. It is amazing to hear the unexpected perceptions of others, and this part of the experience can be life changing. Write everything down.

Each woman should then take her affirmations to her workstation. These words are the source of inspiration for masks of power and beauty. Next, draw a large version of the mask you envision and cut it out, making sure you have eyes, nose, and mouth holes. Mix the white flour and water into a thin glue. Take your newspaper and tear it into strips and glue it onto your mask shape. Remember to create the features for your mask face, such as a long nose, a beak; use your imagination to the fullest. After it has dried a bit, you can begin shaping the mask into a curve to fit over your face, and then glue on the decorations and adornments.

Now, turn up the women’s music, and with paint, glue, and glitter, create an expression of your inner and outer beauty on paper. Listen to the throbbing drums and the hypnotic beats; listen to your own inner rhythms. Eventually, each woman will finish one or more masks. Glue a stick to the base of each mask so that they can be held over the face like Venetian masquerade masks. As these masks dry, dance to the music. When everyone’s masks are dry, each woman should reveal her “secret” self. She can take a turn and step out into the middle of the room, wearing a veil or scarf over her mask. Before casting off the protective veil, each woman should announce her revelatory self. An example might be: I am the Fire Goddess” or “I am the Selkie of the Irish Coast.” I did a self- portrait mask of “Peacock Girl” that profoundly affected my life. Every time I see it, I feel reaffirmed.

All of the beautiful masked women should dance together to the music and raise the energy in the room. While this is taking place, the level of self-esteem in the room will skyrocket.

Our masks should be kept as totems to be worn in the event of poor self-image. Hang your mask on the wall in your bedroom or office as a constant reminder of your true and beautiful self. 

Baby Naming Ceremony

Often, there is a name given at birth based on an ancestor or family member. Later, when a child has come of age, another name is given to acknowledge maturation. This tradition needs to be revived, and I believe it is a wonderful rite of passage to institute in the lives of young people today who are so desperately in need of community support and inclusion. Of all the wonderful customs of the world, my favorite baby naming custom comes from joining the names of the parents. For example, if the father’s name is Robert and the mother is named Carolyn, you could name the baby Roblyn. Christina and Toby’s child could be Christoby, or if you needed a more conventional version, Cristobel. Anna and Justin’s child could be named Justina. The possibilities are endless, as you can see. They don’t always work well, however, so Filipino families sometimes end up using the names of grandparents, godparents, and the revered “aunties,” women who are not actually related but are very special friends of the family. Sometimes they choose to overlook the custom entirely and opt for outside names, but naming is alive and well in this modern age.

Here is a ceremony for a baby naming as performed by the wonderful Viray family, a joyous and generous “tribe” of Filipinos that stretches from Indiana to California to many of the Philippine Islands. 

Celebration of Pregnancy: A Home for the New Soul

When a new member of the tribe is on the way, it is cause for true jubilation among the family and community. I recommend waiting until the second or third trimester and then having a tribal stomp. This is a whole different take on baby showers.

While it provides for the baby’s needs, it also addresses the real, practical needs of the expectant mother and father.

Begin by asking the new mother what is her preferred day for a time of feasting and fixing. Ask her also to provide a blank book for guests to write in so that the parents can look back in the years to come and remember who attended this special gathering.

This ritual is rather like a barn raising. Each guest brings something or creates something for the new family. Artists can bring paint and paint a mural on the wall of the baby’s room. I have seen beautiful clouds and castles to keep a pair of brand new eyes busy. Handymen and carpenters can bring baby- proofing supplies, such as expandable gates; craftsmen can make a crib or rocker; cooks can prepare and freeze meals for when the new mother and father are too tired to think straight and make nourishing meals for themselves.

My tribe, which is how I like to think of my group of friends, is a very practical bunch. We pass on baby clothes we no longer need, as well as toys, high chairs, and the like. A big part of our ethos is to avoid the mass consumption and materialism that we fall into because we are surrounded by consumer culture. We recycle or share as much as possible, passing on books, clothing, cookware, and furnishings to the next person entering a phase of life where special equipment will be needed. For a new baby, this includes bassinet, baby monitor, infant health books, storybooks, and mobiles. Books and materials that will serve as guides for the first-time expectant parents are also ideal.

On this celebratory day, the new mother and father should be treated like a king and queen. Shawls, slippers, and special healthful teas and juices are wonderful personal, supportive items to give them.

The new about-to-be mom and dad should enjoy this day and relax, as they are about to embark on the busiest time of their lives! They should be given special seats at the feast, where they can sit back and simply “receive.” Receiving is not as easy as it seems in our culture, but it is important to accept and appreciate the help and advice from those who love us.

One way to commemorate this day and remember it in the years to come is to create a “Book of Blessings” that is filled with advice from the tribe. This can be accomplished easily, despite the hubbub of this special day, by leaving the blank book chosen by the expectant mother at the door or on the dinner table, so that each member of the tribe can add his or her advice and blessings during the day. At the feast, the expectant parents can read from it. The Book of Blessings will be a free-form compilation with a great variety of entries, ranging from “Put the baby’s room near the laundry room and the sound of the dryer will help the baby sleep” to “I offer to baby-sit at least once a month so you can have a night out” to “Our family welcomes you to the neighborhood."

It will be a day remembered for many years to come. 

Divorce Ritual: Graceful Goodbyes

Performing a ritual to acknowledge the end of a relationship is an important part of the healing process. Whether it is a breakup of a love affair or the dissolution of the legal bonds of marriage, approaching this change with ritual will help and heal. I have also known those who performed this same rite with the ending of a friendship. This ceremony is intended to resolve issues, tie up loose ends, and move on. It is very important psychologically, psychically, and emotionally to recognize that a divorce is a very big deal. This ritual is best done privately, although you may want the support of a carefully chosen friend. I have outlined some carefully considered questions for you to ask yourself when trying to figure out if a divorce ritual is what you want to do. As with all rituals, I strongly suggest that this one be given a lot of thought. With this divorce ritual, I recommend going to an even deeper level of introspection, as you will be bidding farewell to an important part of your life that, doubtless, brought you as much joy as it did sorrow. Many emotions are going to rise up and you can, gently and with love, put these feelings to rest and assign them a place in your life: the past.

Questions for Yourself

Thinking about and writing down concerns, worries, and questions you may have about your divorce and new solo life will help you begin this new passage of life.

• Do I want to have any ties in the future to my former spouse? Or do I wish to cut off all ties completely?
• If any kind of relationship continues with the individual whom I wish to divorce (and if there are issues involving the custody of children, these issues will remain), what are the safe and peaceful ways to remain connected?
• What are the aspects of the relationship I wish to be divorced from (i.e. fighting about money, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and stress)?
• What are the positive memories I want to keep? r What fears do I have?

Today, divorce seems to be no more important than signing a piece of paper and sending it off in the mail. I have many friends who have said, “Is this all there is?” This ritual is an answer to that question.

Go to a place in nature where you went together—a lakeshore, a special beach, a path in the woods, or a park. Take a photocopy of your divorce papers and a copy of a photo of you both, and place them together in an envelope. Write on the envelope:

On this date ____________, I divorce myself of [write the aspect you are divorcing, not the name of the person].

Say aloud:

Now I am free to pursue my happiness, a new love, and new people in my life. Good memories I will treasure and independence is my pleasure. I say goodbye to this part of my life and release all pain and sorrow.
I welcome the new and the good into my life I am clear.
I am free.
I am me.

Take the envelope and bury it where it will decompose undisturbed—no need to burn or throw it in the water. Allow it to return to the elements, as is Nature’s way. There is no doubt that you will feel sad and by all means, allow yourself to cry and mourn. Each tear releases toxins from your system. As you return to your home, you will feel lighter. Your conscience is clear and your future is bright!

Marriage Rites: Handfasting Ritual

Weddings are usually planned at least a year ahead. If at all possible, choose a day during the new moon phase, as a marriage is a very important new beginning. Create a bower of beautiful, scented flowers and burn lightly scented candles. Traditional flowers recommended for the bower include roses, cherry and apple blossoms, and gardenias. As a gift at one handfasting, I gave the happy couple long-burning Votivo candles in mint-pomegranate scent, which lasts for days. On their anniversary, I always give them the same candles, so that they can rekindle the moment of their wedding, since smell and memory have powerful ties.

In Western culture it is customary for the bride to wear a veil and some red and blue in her wedding finery. Giving gifts is also an important part of the convention of weddings. The bride and groom should wrap small, symbolic presents for each other and set them on the altar, which is placed in the eastern part of the room or space. Altar decorations are simple and symbolic: just two white candles and a willow wand.

The wedding rings are affixed to the willow wand. At this handfasting, I also gave the bride and groom symbolic gifts of small rings and ribbons of blue to represent the energies of the air, red incense to be lit from the candles to represent the energies of fire, and a gardenia to represent the earth. Wine, which represents water, should be in a chalice on the altar. Wine for all, along with sweet cakes, should also be ready for the celebration and sharing with the guests and witnesses. Wiccan tradition calls for both a priest and a priestess to perform the handfasting, but in this case, and according to the wishes of the bride and groom, I officiated alone.

Since most of this couple’s family members were Methodist and Catholic, we wanted to make everyone as comfortable as possible with the concept of a highly ritualistic Pagan marriage. We created little cards explaining the origin of the handfasting and also provided the text and instructions for audience participation. The cards were tied to little bells to be rung at the end of the ritual to signal through sound that the marriage ceremony had been completed. Not only were the wedding guests comfortable with the ritual, they loved it. The bride wore a scarlet wedding dress, a lovely red veil, and a willow wand headdress. The groom wore an elegant tuxedo, which set off her fiery gown perfectly.

The text of the handfasting is as follows: 

The priest or priestess speaks: 

May the place of this marriage be consecrated,
For we gather here in the ritual of love and bliss
With two who would be wedded
[Bride’s name] and [Groom’s name], please step forward and stand here before your friends and family and before the gods and goddesses of the world.
Be with us here, O spirits of the air.
And with your swift fingers, tie the bonds between these two who would be married and tie them closely and securely.
Be with us here.

At this point, tie the two symbolic gift rings together with blue ribbon, then loop them over the willow wand and replace it on the altar.

Be with us here,
O spirits of fire,
And light their love and passion
With your fiery ardor.

Light the incense from the candles and place it on the altar, then say aloud:

Be with us here, O sprits of the earth
And ground deep the roots of their love.

Pick up the willow wand and tie the gardenia to it. Then say: 

Be with us here, O spirits of water,
And let joy flow forever for [Groom’s name]
and [Bride’s name],
For as long as they are married,
Blessed goddess and merry god.
Give to [Groom’s name] and [Bride’s name], who stand
before us in the light of their love, your love and protection.
Blessed be!

Here the audience responds: 

Blessed be.

Hold the willow wand with the rings and gardenia tied to it out to the bride and groom, instructing them: 

Place your right hand over this wand and the rings of this rite of marriage.
Above you are the stars,
Below you the stones.
As time passes, think upon this:
Like the eastern star, your love shall remain constant.
Like a rock, your love will stand firm,
Possess one another, but always be understanding.
Have patience at all times,
For stormy times come and go, but they leave upon the wind.
Give each other love as often as possible
Of the body, the mind, and the spirit.
Be not afraid and do not let the ways of others dissuade you from your path.
The gods and goddesses are always with you,
Now and forever.

After a short pause, ask the bride: 

[Name], is it your wish to become one with this man?

She answers. Ask the groom: 

[Name], is it your wish to become one with this woman? He responds.

Does anyone here today say nay?

Say to the bride and groom:

Place the rings on each other now, [bride] and [groom]. Before the gods, goddesses, and everyone here as witness, I now proclaim you husband and wife!

Now the bride and groom kiss. Next they speak any words they have prepared for each other. Finally, it’s time for them to exchange their symbolic gifts. At the end, say:

Now we ring the bells and it is proclaimed—this ritual is done!

Festive Friday Frolic

Venus rules this most popular day of the week. Small wonder that this is the night for a tryst! To prepare yourself for a night out flirting, you should take a goddess bath with the following potion in a special cup or bowl. I call mine the Venus Vial. Combine:

1 cup sesame oil
6 drops orange blossom oil
4 drops gardenia oil

Stir with your finger six times, silently repeating three times:

I am a daughter of Venus; I embody love.
My body is a temple of pleasure, and I am all that is beautiful.
Tonight I will drink fully from the cup of love.

Pour this potion into a steaming bath and meditate on your evening plans. As you finish, repeat the Venus spell once more. Don’t use a towel, but allow your skin to dry naturally. Dress up in your finest Friday Night Out garb and dab a bit of the mixture on your pulse points. When you are out and about, you will most definitely meet lovely new people who will be drawn to you. You will receive compliments, and indeed, you will be at your sexiest. The rest is up to you. 

Thursday’s Prosperity Incantation

This ritual is excellent for getting a new or better-paying job. You will get the best results on a new moon or full moon Thursday night, but any “Thor’s day” will do.

To prepare yourself, take a money bath by pouring a few drops of green apple or lemon verbena essential oil into hot running water, and bathe by the light of a single green candle. As you close your eyes, meditate on your true desires. What does personal prosperity mean to you? What do you really need, and what do you really want?

When you are clear about your answers, focus on the candle flame while whispering: 

Here and now, my intention is set.
New luck will be mine and all needs will be met.
With harm to none and plenty for all.
Blessed be.

After your sacred bath, perform this tried and true prosperity ritual that can help get a job and bring fiscal abundance your way.

Light a gold candle, although red will also do.

Repeat this incantation eight times while envisioning yourself with perfect abundance or at the perfect job: 

I see the perfect place for me;
I see the place of plenty.
Upon my heart’s desire I am set.
Prosperity will come to me now.

Engagement Blessing Ritual

The important thing to remember in the engagement process is to make sure you share similar ideas about the path of life. Being engaged is a time to make sure you are compatible on many levels as you enjoy the romance. You will need to have frank discussions on career, home, health, children, sex, and the expectations you have for yourself and your partner in all these areas. Sometimes when we are in love, we expect people to simply “know” what we want. Magical people expect that even more, feeling that their partner is so intuitive that they should be able to anticipate each other’s actions and opinions on these aspects of life. Though it would be ideal, that’s not realistic thinking. Sometimes it can be hardest to read the person we are closest to. A good relationship requires good communication. This formalized engagement ritual involves dream sharing, and should only be done after such frank discussions so that nothing comes as a shock. Wanting to perform this ritual is a good way to initiate such talks. It can be done right after the acceptance or at any point later in the engagement process. Just make sure you are both aware of each other’s ideas of the future before you begin your life together.

When you are ready to move forward and begin the ritual, first go someplace comfortable where you will not be disturbed. This ritual can be done in your home or even at a quiet restaurant or coffee shop. Perhaps you’ll want to take your love to the place where you first dated.

Start with your favorite drinks. I like a good wine or champagne, but it doesn’t have to be alcoholic, just something you both enjoy and can share. Have three glasses ready.

Light three candles: one of your favorite color, one of your betrothed’s favorite color, and the third of a color you both like. Unless you choose the same color for all three candles, the third candle should be different from the first two, so that neither of you dominates in the energy of the relationship. When in doubt, three white candles work well. Each of you light your candle, and together light the flame of the third with your two candles.

Pour the drink into two of the three glasses, making each about half full. Hold the two glasses near the fire. Don’t get too close—you don’t want to shatter your glasses. The light, not the heat, is the important part. Speak close to the mouth of the glass, and whisper into the wine your hopes, dreams, and blessings for the marriage. What do you feel? What do you want to do? What do you want to create together? Envisioning a long, healthy, happy life together, you can talk about home, family, and careers. See yourselves supporting each other in separate goals and working together for your joint dreams. You each should speak your words into the liquid. Then pour both drinks into the third empty glass, combining your hopes and dreams. Share that one glass, savoring its flavor and reflecting on your future. Do not speak until you have both finished the combined drink. Look into each other’s eyes, and kiss. The ritual is complete. 

The Myth, Mystery, and Meaning of Rings

Rings have been a meaningful adornment from the times of the ancient Egyptians, through the age of the Greeks, and continuing into today. Throughout time, rings have served as mere decoration, they have indicated rank, and rings have also symbolized deeper meanings such as eternity, reincarnation, energy, unity, power, and, safety. If a sing is set with a stone, it can bind you with the energy of that stone. Some Native Americans wear turquoise, and that power doubles when the stone is set in a ring. Some even interpret the presence of a ring in a dream as representing a desire for reconciliation of the different parts of your personality. The use of amber in a ring can help deepen a friendship if two amber rings are exchanged between friends.

The way you wear a ring—on which hand and on which finger—affects your energy. The bottom of the ring setting should be open, allowing the stone to be closer to your skin. Thumb rings have become a popular trend, but they block the energy of the thumb, awakening egoism and selfishness.

Wearing the correct gem on your index finger can help you achieve your goals. Lapis lazuli can help you gain wisdom. Pearl, moonstone, or garnet will help you better to love yourself and others. Carnelian is for those who want success. Sodalite chrysocolla, or turquoise can help quiet and calm the mind.

Idea, insight, and intuition are associated with your middle finger, and you should only wear stones of it if you want to receive psychic input from the world around you. Sapphire or quartz crystal will help you access your higher good and understand your life purpose. Amethyst will help increase sensitivity and creativity. Rubies awaken inner and outer beauty.

Obviously, the ring finger on the left hand symbolizes a direct connection to your heart and serves as the love center. The ring finger also symbolizes creativity, and wearing an emerald will inspire ingenuity. Wearing tiger’s-eye or cat’s-eye will also help you meet creative goals. Wearing turquoise on this finger helps with practicality in your work and art. Traditionally, diamonds are worn on the left ring finger for deep and loyal love ties. A moonstone will also express your love. An opal shows service to your community and to the world. A ruby helps with serenity—both within and without.

Last, and certainly not least, the right gem on your little finger can help you change the direction of your whole life! Wearing aventurine can bring new energy and prospects into your life. Turquoise can help you unwind and simplify. Pearls will help you achieve better organizational habits.

Because the left hand is the receptive hand, gems to awaken and release emotions should be worn on it. Career-related and lift-goal gems should be worn on the right, or projective hand.