Divorce Ritual: Graceful Goodbyes

Performing a ritual to acknowledge the end of a relationship is an important part of the healing process. Whether it is a breakup of a love affair or the dissolution of the legal bonds of marriage, approaching this change with ritual will help and heal. I have also known those who performed this same rite with the ending of a friendship. This ceremony is intended to resolve issues, tie up loose ends, and move on. It is very important psychologically, psychically, and emotionally to recognize that a divorce is a very big deal. This ritual is best done privately, although you may want the support of a carefully chosen friend. I have outlined some carefully considered questions for you to ask yourself when trying to figure out if a divorce ritual is what you want to do. As with all rituals, I strongly suggest that this one be given a lot of thought. With this divorce ritual, I recommend going to an even deeper level of introspection, as you will be bidding farewell to an important part of your life that, doubtless, brought you as much joy as it did sorrow. Many emotions are going to rise up and you can, gently and with love, put these feelings to rest and assign them a place in your life: the past.

Questions for Yourself

Thinking about and writing down concerns, worries, and questions you may have about your divorce and new solo life will help you begin this new passage of life.

• Do I want to have any ties in the future to my former spouse? Or do I wish to cut off all ties completely?
• If any kind of relationship continues with the individual whom I wish to divorce (and if there are issues involving the custody of children, these issues will remain), what are the safe and peaceful ways to remain connected?
• What are the aspects of the relationship I wish to be divorced from (i.e. fighting about money, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and stress)?
• What are the positive memories I want to keep? r What fears do I have?

Today, divorce seems to be no more important than signing a piece of paper and sending it off in the mail. I have many friends who have said, “Is this all there is?” This ritual is an answer to that question.

Go to a place in nature where you went together—a lakeshore, a special beach, a path in the woods, or a park. Take a photocopy of your divorce papers and a copy of a photo of you both, and place them together in an envelope. Write on the envelope:

On this date ____________, I divorce myself of [write the aspect you are divorcing, not the name of the person].

Say aloud:

Now I am free to pursue my happiness, a new love, and new people in my life. Good memories I will treasure and independence is my pleasure. I say goodbye to this part of my life and release all pain and sorrow.
I welcome the new and the good into my life I am clear.
I am free.
I am me.

Take the envelope and bury it where it will decompose undisturbed—no need to burn or throw it in the water. Allow it to return to the elements, as is Nature’s way. There is no doubt that you will feel sad and by all means, allow yourself to cry and mourn. Each tear releases toxins from your system. As you return to your home, you will feel lighter. Your conscience is clear and your future is bright!