Nowadays, weddings are a big business and can be huge productions that take no less than a year of planning. Weddings are one of our most beloved rituals, and while they often cost a pretty penny, they are usually deeply meaningful for every person in attendance. My friend, the esteemed author Daphne Rose Kingma, wrote a lovely collection of ceremonies called Weddings from the Heart that run the gamut from traditional to highly alternative. This book is a great resource for engaged couples celebrating the journey of love.
I have had the good fortune to officiate at two weddings and have created a variation of the classic handfasting which I will share with you here. These are two very happy couples, so it seems that this particular variation of this ritual is effective.
Handfasting Ritual
Weddings are usually planned at least a year ahead. If at all possible, choose a day during the new moon phase, as a marriage is a very important new beginning. Create a bower of beautiful, scented flowers and burn lightly scented candles. Traditional flowers recommended for the bower include roses, cherry and apple blossoms, and gardenias. As a gift at one handfasting, I gave the happy couple long-burning Votivo candles, which last for days, in mint-pomegranate scent. On their anniversary, I always give them the same candles so that they can rekindle the moment of their wedding, since smell and memory have powerful ties.
In Western culture, it is customary for the bride to wear a veil and some red and blue in her wedding finery. Giving gifts is also an important part of the conventions of weddings. The bride and groom should wrap small, symbolic presents for each other and set them on the altar, which is placed in the eastern part of the room or space. Altar decorations are simple and symbolic: just two white candles and a willow wand. The wedding rings are affixed to the willow wand. At this handfasting, I also gave the bride and groom symbolic gifts of small rings and ribbons of blue to represent the energies of the air, red incense to be lit from the candles to represent the energies of fire, and a gardenia to represent the earth. Wine, which represents water, should be in a chalice on the altar. Wine for all, along with sweet cakes, should also be ready for the celebration and sharing with the guests and witnesses. Wiccan tradition calls for both a priest and a priestess to perform the handfasting, but in this case, and according to the wishes of the bride and groom, I officiated alone.
Since most of this couple’s family members were Methodist and Catholic, we wanted to make everyone as comfortable as possible with the concept of a highly ritualistic pagan marriage. We created little cards explaining the origin of the handfasting and providing the text and instructions for audience participation. The cards were tied to little bells to be rung at the end of the ritual to signal through sound that the marriage ceremony had been completed. Not only were the wedding guests comfortable with the ritual, they loved it. The bride wore a scarlet wedding dress, a lovely red veil, and a willow wand headdress. The groom wore an elegant tuxedo which set off her fiery gown perfectly.
The text of the handfasting is as follows.
The priest or priestess speaks:
May the place of this marriage be consecrated,
for we gather here in the ritual of love and bliss
with two who would be wedded
(Bride’s name) and (Groom’s name),
please step forward and stand here
before your friends and family
and before the gods and goddesses of the world.
Be with us here, O spirits of the air,
and with your swift fingers, tie the bonds between these two who would be married,
and tie them closely and securely.
Be with us here.
At this point, tie the two symbolic gift rings together with blue ribbon, then loop them over the willow wand and replace it on the altar.
Be with us here, O spirits of fire,
and light their love and passion
with your fiery ardor.
Light the incense from the candles and place it on the altar, then say aloud:
Be with us here, O spirits of the earth
and ground deep the roots of their love.
Pick up the willow wand and tie the gardenia to it. Then say:
Be with us here, O spirits of water,
and let joy flow forever for (Groom’s name) and (Bride’s name),
for as long as they are married.
Blessed goddess and merry god,
give to (Groom’s name) and (Bride’s name),
who stand before us in the light of their love,
your love and protection.
Blessed be!
Here the audience responds:
Blessed be.
Hold the willow wand with the rings and gardenia tied to it out to the bride and groom, instructing them:
Place your right hand over this wand and the rings of this rite of marriage.
Above you are the stars,
below you the stones.
As time passes, think upon this:
Like the eastern star, your love shall remain constant.
Like a rock, your love will stand firm.
Possess one another, but always be understanding.
Have patience at all times,
for stormy times come and go, but they leave upon the wind.
Give each other love as often as possible
of the body, the mind, and the spirit.
Be not afraid and do not let the ways of others dissuade you from
your path.
The gods and goddesses are always with you,
now and forever.
After a short pause, ask the bride:
Is it your wish to become one with this man?
She answers.
Ask the groom:
Is it your wish to become one with this woman?
He responds.
Does anyone here today say nay?
Say to the bride and groom:
Place the rings on each other now.
Before the gods, goddesses, and everyone here as witness,
I now proclaim you husband and wife!
Now the bride and groom kiss. Next, they speak any words they have prepared for each other. Finally, it’s time for them to exchange their symbolic gifts. At the end, say:
Now we ring the bells and it is proclaimed—this ritual is done!
