Rituals of Engagement

Using ritual to create sacred space in your life puts you between the worlds. You are on the threshold where all things are possible. The magic circles is a boundary, separating the sacred and the magical from the mundane. Out of all the rituals marking the passage of life, engagement is unique in that it is a threshold between stages in life. You are no longer single, but you are not quite married, either. As courtship turns into engagement, the relationship has deepened, yet the foundation is not quite solid. You are still in the process of building, exploring, and discovering. Engagement is the marker, the boundary, separating your old life from the new path you will walk with your betrothed.

Rituals of engagement are quite common. Most married people who would never see themselves as any sort of ritualist have performed engagement rituals. Asking for someone’s hand in marriage, accepting the offer, and trading rings are rituals that involve special words and ritualized actions, such as getting down on one knee, that carry life- changing significance.

Unlike marriage, which usually requires an official minister, engagement rituals are private, personal, and often spontaneous. They are simple and heartfelt. They can involve anything your imagination creates. Sometimes the individual who proposes hides a ring in a special place, creating a romantic treasure hunt, or has it as part of the presentation in a romantic dinner. Each ritual can suit the couple’s personality and style.

In a magical context, there are two kind of modern engagement rituals. The first is the question and answer. One person—traditionally the male in heterosexual couples—“pops the question” and presents a ring. The second can be a more magical acceptance of the engagement, where both people are clear, conscious, and purposeful in their magical intent in order to formalize their engagement and walk toward the path of marriage together. This is an approach to getting married through deep discussion and agreement.

The ring is the most important tool in this ritual. Some people get hung up on the size and quality of the ring and its stone, and jewelry companies have come up with creative marketing plans based on your monthly pay to determine the money you should spend on this ring. Obviously, they have their own interests at heart, not yours. To the magically inclined, the price and size of the diamond aren’t as important as the love and magic put into the ritual of choosing and offering it.

Diamond rings are most often used in engagement. The ring is a circle, a wheel, forever turning, an unbroken line. Gold is the metal of the sun and conjures a bright future. Magically, it symbolizes good fortune, success, health, creativity, and immortality. A gold ring is a symbol of a union that will last forever, shining brightly. The sun also rules the diamond. It is a most beloved gem and spiritually is one of the most powerful, for it represents the powers of light and transformation. In a diamond, the blackness of coal has been transformed into purest light and the color spectrum.

To bring out these blessings, consecrate the ring before offering it to your beloved. Wash it in pure water, envisioning all unwanted energies dissolving away. Hold the ring up to the sun and feel the rays of light catalyzing the powers of the gem and the precious metal. Feel it fill with light, and then hold it to your heart. Feel the love you have for your future spouse. Charge the ring with your love, your hopes, dreams, and magical wises. Enchant the ring’s energy to grow as the two of you grow as a couple, increasing your live and blessings. Then put it back into its box, or whatever container you will present it in, and close it. Don’t let anybody else see or touch the ring until you hand it to your love. As you present it, feel the love you have invested in it radiate outward. Let it inspire your heart and mind as you ask, “Will you marry me?" 

Rites of Passage and Marking Time

People have a psychological need to observe rites of passage, from birth to the coming of age, graduation, marriage, and death. There are numerous rites of passage that are less acknowledged by our society, such as divorce and retirement, as well as other occasions. It is important to recognize the big firsts, such as a first job, adoption or birth of a child, and first home. These are special times in your life and deserve to be acknowledged publicly and privately. You can go a long way toward fulfilling this deep psychological need for yourself and the people in your life by creating rituals involving loved ones in them. By marking the special moments of your life, you can ensure better mental and spiritual health, and you can also build closeness to your family, your friends, and your “tribe."

In my spiritual community, we create individual rites and ceremonies to observe life passages such as the first Saturn return, which occurs for every person around age twenty-eight, when the planet Saturn returns to the exact natal placement where it was when he or she was born. Astrologically, this event marks a true initiation into adulthood since we are confronted with the major issues—career, relationships, and destiny—of adulthood. Often at this point in life people move long distance, lose a job, or experience a major breakup or other personal upheaval.

We also acknowledge a woman’s passage from Maiden to Queen or Mother and to Crone. To the contemporary aging population, croning rituals are becoming important and are wonderful opportunities for you to design special rituals for the special people in your life. As people grow older, they often become more isolated, which is a great loss for everyone. Older people have so much wisdom to share, and one way to honor this wisdom is through the medium of ritual.

Society does observe some rites of passage, such as birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, marriages, and funerals, but they have become gift-giving opportunities, mostly devoid of spiritual sophistication. Still, they are usually occasions for bonding and feasting and represent the last vestige of ritual for the masses outside of religion. Confirmation, baptism, and initiations conducted by secret fraternal organizations are also examples of ritual that have continued to the day. The bris practiced by those of the Jewish faith is a wonderful name giving ritual for babies, and circumcision is still practiced although it is now largely thought of as “hygienic” and has lost its ritual aspect. Bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs are jubilant community celebrations for young Jewish men and women to mark their passage to adulthood. This wonderful tradition ensures the greater community remains involved in people’s lives in much the same way tribes of older days did.

Early peoples would begin their rites at birth with magic, purification rituals and taboos, such as what foods could or could not be consumed and what length of time a baby and new mother were to be isolated for spiritual safety. Among indigenous peoples such as Congolese tribes, a youth was initiated as “a new person” with circumcision, headdress, tattoos, and special clothing in light of maturation.

In the Dark Ages, May Day was an occasion for ritual combat with jousting, races, and all manner of courtly exercise. Springtime combat between the Queen of May and the King of May in the fields recalled older fertility rituals, where the king of the land would make love with a representative of the Goddess in the fields to ensure health and fertility of the crops for the medieval Europeans.

Dance has long been an important aspect of ritual. Movement and rhythm are vital to many of the traditional ceremonies in this book and should also be included in those you design for yourself and your community. 

Everyday Sacred: A Ritual Guide to the Days of the Week

Each day of the week has specific correspondences and meanings. Here is an at-a-glance guide to the days of the week, gleaned from the mythologies of centuries put to practice for different types of ritual. I do a money-enhancing ritual every Thursday, or “Thor’s Day,” which is the day for prosperity. Perhaps you want new love in your life; if so, try a “Freya’s Day” ritual on a Friday night.

Sunday is the day for healing and vitality, as well as creativity and new hope. It is a day of confidence and success. This is the day ruled by the Sun, so it corresponds to fire and the sun sign, Leo. The colors for this day are gold, orange, and yellow, and the sacred stones for this day are also in those colors, amber, citrine, carnelian, and topaz. Sunday’s herbs and incense are cloves, cedar, chamomile, frankincense, amber, sunflower, and heliotrope.

Monday or “Moon Day,” is a dreamy day for intuition, beauty, women’s rituals, and your home. Monday is associated with the element of water and the sign of Cancer. The clouds are shiny silvers, pearl, pale rose, white, and lavender, which are reflective like the moon. The gems and stones are similarly shaded moonstone, pearl, quartz crystal, fluorite, and aquamarine. The herbs and incense are night blooming jasmine, myrtle, moonwort, vervain, white rose, poppy, and camphor.

Tuesday is the day for action, as mighty Mars rules it. Now you can seek your passion, surge toward your goals, find your destiny, and be strong and courageous. “Mars’s Day” is the time for high energy in your career, for physical activity and sports, for aggression in meetings and negotiations, and for strong sexuality. Both fire and water come into play and the astrological assignations are Aries and Scorpio. Red is the day’s color, and the corresponding gems and crystals are ruby, garnet, carnelian, bloodstone, and pink tourmaline. Incense and herbs for Mars’s Day are red roses, pine, carnation, nettle, patchouli, pepper, and garlic.

Wednesday, or “Odin’s Day,” is when the planets of communication, Mercury and Chiron, rule. This is the optimum time for writing, public speaking, intellectual pursuits, memory, and all other forms of communication. It is also a day to recognize your karmic duties through astrology and your Chiron sign, an important asteroid placement in your chart. Through introspection, try to find your “sacred wound” and heal it so it does not hold you back in life, trapping you in old patterns and relationships. The element for Wednesday is earth and the sun sign is Virgo. Colors for this mercurial day are light blue, gray, green, orange, and yellow. The crystals are sodalite, moss agate, opal, and aventurine. The herbs and incense are cinnamon, periwinkle, dill, sweet pea, cinquefoil, and ferns.

Thursday is the day for business, politics, legalities, bargaining, good fortune, and material and fiscal wealth. In other words, it is money day! The elements that come into play are water and fire, and Jupiter, the planet of abundance is the ruler. Pisces and Sagittarius share this planet as ruler. The colors are blue, purple, and turquoise. As you might suspect, the crystals are turquoise, sapphire, amethyst, and lapis lazuli, so favored by the Egyptians. The herbs and incense for the day are saffron, cedar, nutmeg, pine, oak, and cinnamon.

Friday is doubtless everybody’s favorite day of the week, as it is ruled by Freya, the Nordic Venus, goddess of love. Friday is all about beauty, love, sex, fertility, friendships, and partnerships, the arts, harmony, and music, and bringing the new into your life—new energy, new people, new projects. Haven’t you met a lot of people on a Friday night out? Air and earth are the elements and the signs of Libra and Taurus are the astrological signs. Pale green and deep green, robin’s-egg blue, pink, and violet are the colors, and the crystals are emerald, pink tourmaline, rose quartz, as well as jade, malachite, and peridot. The herbs are incense for Fridays are apple, lily, birch, pink rose, verbena, ivy, rose, and sage.

Saturday is ruled by Saturn and connects the elements of air, fire, water, and earth. It is a time for protection, discipline, duty, binding, family, manifestation, and completion. The sun signs are Capricorn and Aquarius, with their colors of black, brown, and deepest blue, Saturday’s crystals are amethyst, smoky quartz, jet, black onyx, obsidian, and darkest garnet. The incense, plants, and herbs for this day are ivy, oak, rue, moss, myrrh, deadly nightshade, mandrake, hemlock, and wolfsbane. (Many Saturn herbs are poisonous; please exercise caution when using them.) How do we use these magical correspondences in ritual? You can create your own ritual simply by choosing candle colors, crystals, and incense from the list that matches your intent and go from there. I have included some sample rituals that draw from these magical correspondences. 

Astrological Almanac: Moon Signs of the Times

The astrological signs of the moon are of great significance. Each moon sign has special meaning set down through the centuries. Ancient and medieval folks paid strict attention to moon phases and moon signs for planting and harvesting. Here is a guide to each sign with tried and true lore from olden days along with applications for today’s rituals.

Aries is a barren and dry sign that is perfect for planting, weeding, haying, and harvesting. Moon in Aries is the optimum time for rituals pertaining to leadership, pioneering, ambition, and authority, as well as rebirth. Any healing regarding the face and head is more successful during Aries.

Taurus is an earthy and moist sign that is excellent for planting root crops like potatoes and peanuts. Love, money, and luxury are the watchwords for moon in Taurus. If you are buying real estate, moon in Taurus is an excellent time for that. Because the throat and neck are ruled by Taurus, this is a prime time both for singing and speaking.

Gemini is another dry sign that is best time for mowing, cutting, and getting rid of plants or pests. Communication is improved during moon in Gemini. Healing or the arms and hands and pulmonary system is well advised during a Gemini moon.

Cancer is a fruitful watery sign conductive to planting; in fact, it is the most productive sign of all. Hearth and home are the focus now and lunar rituals are well timed during moon in Cancer. Healing rituals for the stomach are done best at this time.

Leo is the driest and least fertile of all moon signs, good only for cutting and mowing. Leo moon is good for bravery, striking out in a new direction, like performing on stage or taking a position of authority. Matters of the heart and literal healing or the organ are advisable now.

Virgo is both damp and barren, but is a great time for cultivation. Virgo moon is good for working hard and seeking employment, tending to all aspects of health, nutrition, and healing the nervous system and bowel.

Libra is both wet and fruitful and is wonderful for grains, vines, root crops, and flowers. Now is the time for artistic endeavors, romantic liaisons, and balancing your life. The lower back and kidneys can be restored to health during moon in Libra.

Scorpio is humid and bountiful and is good for all types of planting. Make your moves during moon in Scorpio. This sign is also conducive to plumbing the depths of the spirit and achieving psychic growth. Sex rituals are at their most potent during moon in Scorpio. Healing of the sensitive reproductive organs can happen during this moon time.

Sagittarius is another fire sign that is a poor time for planting and is best spent harvesting and storing. Rites of passage and travel and rituals relating to higher truths and philosophical matters succeed during moon in Sagittarius. Sports and horses are also in the spotlight during this time. Healing for the legs can be undertaken during this time.

Capricorn is an earth sign that is also wet and is excellent for grafting, pruning, and planting trees and shrubs. Rituals relating to work, goals, and organizing can be commenced at this time. Political careers, dreams, and aspirations should be launched during moon in Capricorn. Skeletal wellness is advisable during this cycle, as well.

Aquarius is an infertile and parched moon time that is best for harvesting, weeding, and dispelling pests. The Aquarian moon is appropriate for rites regarding personal freedom. Friendship, the intellect, and starting a new phase of life all come into play now. Rituals of a more radical nature are best during this sign. Shin and ankle health goes better now, too.

Pisces is fecund and fruitful and is good for all kinds of planting. It is remarkable for fruits of all kinds. The highly sensitive moon in Pisces is good for spells and charms for creativity, intuition, divination, dream work, and music. Care and healing for the feet is most favorable during this sign of moon in Pisces. 

The Gift of the Full Moon: A Native American Ritual

Many Native American tribes saw the moon as a teacher, for the bright light of the full moon was truly illuminating. While I advise caution with using aspects of indigenous culture, I think that learning the lessons offered while always honoring the source and ascribing references can be life-enriching. My motto is “appreciation without appropriation."

Accept the wisdom that is offered and respect the resource. Here is a full moon teaching from my friend Liz, who is of Native American descent and whose many happy clients attest that she is a very wise woman. The full moon ceremony should be led by a woman, an elder, who chooses a young man to be the warrior. His job is to serve the circle and serve the community by tending the fire as the Keeper of the Flame. The warrior is to be pure of heart. Selection by the elder is

the greatest honor because she sees into the pure heart and perceives the good this man brings to the community. Once the fire is built, other women can approach the fire circle crying out, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” When everyone else has arrived, the young man leaves and returns only when the fire is dying down to rekindle the flames. Whenever he approaches, he should announce, “I am the Keeper of the Flame."

The elder leads the women in discussion of whatever she feel is important, such as the welfare of an individual or the village, or she tells a story. Ultimately, this is a woman’s council fire and the well-being of the community is served in this monthly ceremony.

The elder is the leader of the full moon teaching and it lasts as long as she sees fit; only the elder can excuse women from the circle. Many full moon teachings, the council fires have grown shorter, the elder must know things are going well for the community! 

Lunar Lore: A Thirteen-Moon Guide to Rituals Throughout the Year

Thanks to the way the earth orbits the sun and the way the moon orbits the earth, our calendar year contains thirteen full moons and moon cycles. Here are some traditional correspondences from astrology and folklore:

January is known as the Cold Moon or Wolf Moon. This is the time for new beginnings, for planning for and conceiving a child, as well as making other goals for yourself, your working life, your health goals, and any other aspirations. You should look deep inside yourself and take this time during the Wolf Moon to think about and contemplate what is most important to you, and how you can have what is truly meaningful in your life. The Cold Moon is also when you should perform protection spells for yourself and your loved ones and rituals of safekeeping for your home and the people and things you really care about.

February is the time of the Wild Moon or Snow Moon, Now you can begin growing the seeds you panted in your soul during last month’s Wolf Moon. The Wild Moon is an excellent time for purification rituals and for cleansing old “bad” energy out of your life, your home, your psyche, and your office. The Wild Moon can be a time of great healing, especially after a ceremony for energy cleansing. One of the best cleansing rites you can perform is true acceptance of yourself, letting go of all self-loathing and saying goodbye to your inner critic. A ritual of self-love and recognition would be a wonderful observance of the Wild Moon of February.

March is Crow Moon or Seed Moon and is a time to balance your life energies. After the cleansing and goal-setting of the past two moons, now you can begin to activate your plans.

This March full moon is also an excellent time to concentrate on prosperity. Crow Moon is a wonderful time for an abundance ceremony.

April is the Hare Moon or Pink Moon, one of the most creative times of the year. This is the moon when you can act on what you have been dreaming of during the earlier moons. You can begin to manifest your deepest desires during both in terms of your aspirations and your amorous side, since Hare Moon is made for love spells and other rites of romance. Pursue your passions with confidence and optimism.

May is the Merry Moon, the Flower Moon, the Green Month in terms of green magic and the time of the fairies. Nature has now burst into a glorious full spring. In May, your inner wisdom is at its height. Now is the time to connect with nature and explore the beauty of our beautiful and sacred planet. Rites of spring are a wonderful way to commune with spirit.

June is the Mead or Strawberry Moon, the Lover’s Moon. Now we can taste the sweetness of life and celebrate our strength and fruitfulness. It is a time of security and protection. Assess the results of all that you have planned and seeded in the past months.

July is the Thunder Moon or Blessing Moon, a time for divining meaning and focusing on spirituality. Now we can expand our consciousness and listen to the messages of our dreams. The Thunder Moon is when we receive the blessings of the rain and feel the charged energy of the thunderstorms. The Thunder Moon is an auspicious time for a dream ritual or a divinatory rite.

August is known as the Corn Moon or Red Moon. This time of years is bursting with health, vitality, and ardor. This is an optimal time to gather friends and family together and celebrate the brightest side of life. Feasting, dancing, and delight are the order of the day.

September is the Harvest Moon and Singing Moon. Now we see completion of plans and ideas and the harvesting of our crops. Now we reap what we have sown earlier in the year— our thoughts, actions, words, and projects. The Singing Moon is a wonderful time to organize our lives and let go of anything that is no longer working. If something is worn out, broken, or simply does not suit your life anymore, including emotions, patterns, beliefs, and even people, this is the perfect time to let go. Declutter and simplify your life.

October is the Hunter’s Moon or the Falling Leaf Moon. Great transitions are taking place all around you now and change is also taking place within. Take time to observe and feel these transformations in your life and in the world around you. Notice how the temperature changes, how the trees shed their brightly colored leaves, how the geese and other birds fly south. The Hunter’s Moon should honor the very human need for physical nourishment, warmth, and rest. Seek inner peace now after the hurly-burly of summer. This is the season for relaxation and release. This is a karmic time during which you can seek karmic completion. You should acknowledge the changing of the seasons with ceremony.

November is the Beaver Moon or Mourning Moon. At this time you should get in touch with your spirit through introspection. Many countries observe November 1 as an Ancestors’ Day and remember the dead through ritual and feasting.

December is Winter Moon or Long Nights Moon. This is when we experience a metaphorical death and rebirth. We can also light the flame of our hearts and souls through journeys of the spirit.

The “extra” or thirteenth full moon of the year is the blue moon of the expression, “once in a blue moon,” which refers to rare and special occasions. How do we know when the blue moon occurs? It is on that rare occasion when two full moons occur in one calendar month. The blue moon is to be used wisely. Take this opportunity to look at your long-term plans and goals and to give thanks for what you have accomplished. As you take stock, be grateful for what you have and for the people in your life. Bear in mind that “what you have” should not make you think about your fat stock portfolio but rather about good health, children, a job you enjoy, good friends, a comfortable home, and opportunities.

The blue moon is also a time for prophecy. Each blue moon ritual you create should contain an aspect expressing thanks to the gods and goddesses and to Mother Nature, who gave you life. 

One Moon for All the World

Although many cultures around the world have had ceremonies to celebrate the full moon, only a few are still practiced today. The Balinese have received wide interest for their full moon ritual, and Bali has become a popular destination for people on a pilgrimage or for tourists who want to be in touch with the sacred. A growing number of nature- worshiping people gather in magical circles to do the same in North America and Europe.

In Peru there is a sacred site, the Quenko-Labyrinth of the Serpent, where full moon ceremonies are held. It is believed that on this site you can experience your true connection with the earth, the feminine, and life, for this sacred site embodies the Goddess. Rites of passage and sacred ritual offerings have been performed here for centuries. Shamans teach this as an important way for humankind to connect with and balance nature and community.

Balinese Full Moon Ceremony

Nearly every temple and Bali celebrates this monthly event.

Essential elements for this ritual are incense, offerings of fruit and lots of flowers, rice, and holy or blessed water.

Gather a group of like-minded folks and head to the nearest body of water—a lake, pond, creek, river, or the ocean. Nature will be your temple.

Begin by sitting in a circle and making garlands of flowers. You should talk, laugh, or be silent as you wish, but most important, be comfortable. When everyone is settled with a garland of flowers, place the garland around the neck of another person. Light the incense and set the rice and holy water in the middle of the circle.

Go around the circle and offer the water to people, sprinkling it on them gently with your fingertips in the Balinese fashion, and offer everyone a cupful of the holy water to rinse their mouths with so the words they speak will be holier. Each person should make a fruit or flower offering to the gods, and lay it near the cleansing smoke of incense. After the offerings are made, everyone should anoint their neighbor’s forehead with grains of rice and speak blessings aloud for each person. If a body of water is accessible, get wet, even if it is just to dip your hands or walk in the water.

Silently acknowledge the blessings in your life through prayer and meditation, and, again, give quiet thanks to the gods for the gift of your life. Unlike most Western-based rituals, there is not much talking during the Balinese Full Moon Ritual. Bask in the tranquility and listen to your thoughts.

Pung-Mul Norj

Pung-Mul Nori is a full moon ritual that has been performed for about two thousand years and continues to this day. Korean traditional folklore combines ritual, acrobatics, dance, and music. Toyo Ongaku, music for this ritual, has remained popular since ancient times when it was performed day and night to protect the crops and dispel evil spirits.

Developed by and for Korean farmers, this ritual was devised to help them keep up their strength and their spirits during the exhausting labor of planting and harvesting season. Many years ago, it was especially important for everyone in the community to participate in this expression of thanksgiving. Every man, woman, and child who was physically able to do so had to sing, dance, drum, play instruments, and perform acrobatics. The word Nori in Pung Mul Nori means to play and, indeed, this is one of the most playful of all the world’s moon rituals.