When a new member of the tribe is on the way, it is cause for true jubilation among the family and community. I recommend waiting until the second or third trimester and then having a tribal stomp. This is a whole different take on baby showers.
While it provides for the baby’s needs, it also addresses the real, practical needs of the expectant mother and father.
Begin by asking the new mother what is her preferred day for a time of feasting and fixing. Ask her also to provide a blank book for guests to write in so that the parents can look back in the years to come and remember who attended this special gathering.
This ritual is rather like a barn raising. Each guest brings something or creates something for the new family. Artists can bring paint and paint a mural on the wall of the baby’s room. I have seen beautiful clouds and castles to keep a pair of brand new eyes busy. Handymen and carpenters can bring baby- proofing supplies, such as expandable gates; craftsmen can make a crib or rocker; cooks can prepare and freeze meals for when the new mother and father are too tired to think straight and make nourishing meals for themselves.
My tribe, which is how I like to think of my group of friends, is a very practical bunch. We pass on baby clothes we no longer need, as well as toys, high chairs, and the like. A big part of our ethos is to avoid the mass consumption and materialism that we fall into because we are surrounded by consumer culture. We recycle or share as much as possible, passing on books, clothing, cookware, and furnishings to the next person entering a phase of life where special equipment will be needed. For a new baby, this includes bassinet, baby monitor, infant health books, storybooks, and mobiles. Books and materials that will serve as guides for the first-time expectant parents are also ideal.
On this celebratory day, the new mother and father should be treated like a king and queen. Shawls, slippers, and special healthful teas and juices are wonderful personal, supportive items to give them.
The new about-to-be mom and dad should enjoy this day and relax, as they are about to embark on the busiest time of their lives! They should be given special seats at the feast, where they can sit back and simply “receive.” Receiving is not as easy as it seems in our culture, but it is important to accept and appreciate the help and advice from those who love us.
One way to commemorate this day and remember it in the years to come is to create a “Book of Blessings” that is filled with advice from the tribe. This can be accomplished easily, despite the hubbub of this special day, by leaving the blank book chosen by the expectant mother at the door or on the dinner table, so that each member of the tribe can add his or her advice and blessings during the day. At the feast, the expectant parents can read from it. The Book of Blessings will be a free-form compilation with a great variety of entries, ranging from “Put the baby’s room near the laundry room and the sound of the dryer will help the baby sleep” to “I offer to baby-sit at least once a month so you can have a night out” to “Our family welcomes you to the neighborhood."
It will be a day remembered for many years to come.
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